Adsum

January 2003

Adolescent Company-Keeping

From the book, Father Connell Answers Moral Questions
by Very Rev. Francis J. Connell, C.SS.R., S.T.D., L.L.D., L.H.D.

Question: In our high schools nowadays — Catholic schools as well as public schools — it is not unusual for a boy and a girl to associate with each other so frequently and so exclusively, at dances, the movies, etc., that they are regarded as “keeping company.” What statement according to Catholic moral principles can a priest make regarding this situation?

Answer: A priest need not hesitate to state that a boy and girl who indulge in this type of frequent and exclusive association are running the risk of falling into grave sin and hence are committing sin. It is not indeed wrong for high school boys and girls to associate with each other in decent amusements and social gatherings, as long as these are kept withing the bounds of moderation. Boy and girl friendships are perfectly normal and innocent when they are not exclusive or when each associates with the group, not merely with an individual. But, surely, there should be no question of “company keeping” in the accepted sense between a boy and a girl in high school grades. For company keeping is a form of association permitted only to those who look forward to marriage within a reasonably short time; it is surely not the proper thing for those who will not ordinarily be ready for marriage for at least five or six years. Furthermore, boys and girls who cultivate this type of intimate friendship cannot devote their time and attention as they should to their studies. Above all, when an adolescent boy and girl are constantly together, fostering an ardent love for each other, their passions are likely to be aroused, and grave sin may follow. Even a friendship begun in perfect innocence may eventuate in most disastrous consequences. Priests having the care of high school boys or girls, as pastors or sodality directors, can enunciate this doctrine “ however severe it may seem in this age of loose morals ” with the assurance that it is based on sound Catholic principles of moral theology. It would not be correct to say that there is in all cases a proximate occasion of sin, though this is often present. (I am not considering the case of older boys and girls in high school who are planning marriage in the near future. They can be permitted to keep company, with proper safeguards.)

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