First published in The Reign of Mary, Issue #135

Perseverance in Matrimony

By Rev. Fr. Dominic Radecki, CMRI

Of the sacraments instituted by Christ, both Matrimony and Holy Orders are social sacraments. This means that their purpose is not limited to the recipients, but is intended by Christ to go beyond them by benefiting others. Matrimony not only affects the husband and wife, but reaches out first to the children, and then through them, to the Church and to the society in which they live. It provides new members both for the Church and for society. Because it has numerous far-reaching effects, it is necessary for a marriage to be based on the solid foundation of obedience to the laws of God and the Church.

By the very nature of this sacrament, Matrimony is indissoluble except by the death of one of the spouses. This emphasizes the stark fact that the perseverance needed in matrimony is lifelong, and is a commitment of the husband and wife toward God, toward the Church, toward one another and toward their children. Charity and great effort are needed in order to make a successful marriage. If a couple is to be successful, it is essential for them to pray and live a life in accordance with God’s laws and holy will.

This also explains why, for those not yet married, it is so very important to find a practicing, traditional Catholic for a partner who will be spiritually supportive in such a difficult endeavor.
The principle of the indissolubility of marriage, and for that matter, the principle of the necessity of marriage itself, has all but been discarded by the society of today. It is a fact that the condition of society is determined by the condition of its families; the way the family goes, so goes the state. Since 1962 (the year of the beginning of the Vatican II Council), divorce has increased by 350%, births to unmarried girls (15-19 years old) are up by 500%, child abuse is up by 2,300%, and teen suicide is up by 450% (Traditional Values Coalition, Paid Advertisement 2008, Washington D.C.) In addition, our society’s “culture of death” has been responsible for the killing of more than 49 million unborn children.

The attitude of the worldly-minded is one in which cohabitation is more desirable than the marriage commitment, and children are considered an inconvenience and burden. Bigger houses, better jobs and newer cars have preempted interest in bearing children. Cohabitation and childlessness are viewed by the worldly simply as other “lifestyle choices.” To enter the sacrament of Matrimony today and to fulfill its duties and responsibilities according to the laws of God, demand much courage, determination of the will, great charity and perseverance. After God, husband and wife are to love one another first. The outward expression of their love not only demands mutual help, but must have as its primary purpose one in which they daily help each other in forming and perfecting themselves in the interior life, so that they grow in true love towards God and their neighbor.

Because of the tremendous responsibilities involved in matrimony and the difficulties pursuant to its long duration, it is a vocation which, if contracted in the Church and strengthened by daily prayer, carries with it all the grace needed for its proper fulfillment; this is the sacramental grace of Matrimony. If the faithful, with sincere mind give consent in the sacrament of Matrimony, Pope Pius XI wrote that “they open up for themselves a treasure of sacramental grace from which they draw supernatural power for the fulfilling of their rights and duties faithfully, holily, perseveringly until death, [and that this sacrament] not only increases sanctifying grace... but also adds particular gifts, dispositions, seeds of grace, by elevating the natural powers” (Casti Connubii, December 31, 1930).

Their love of God should lead them to a deep love for one another. Holy Scripture is very specific as regards how a husband should love his wife. St. Paul says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church, and delivered Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, cleansing her in the bath of water by means of the word; in order that He might present to Himself the Church in all her glory, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she might be holy and without blemish. Even thus ought husbands also to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh; on the contrary he nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ also does the church (because we are members of his body, made from his flesh and from his bones). For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery — I mean in reference to Christ and to the Church. However, let each one of you also love his wife just as he loves himself, and let the wife respect her husband” (Eph. 5:25-33).

We can note here that Christ’s love for His Church is constantly active for He is always doing things that benefit her. Second, Christ never ceased for an instant to labor unto weariness for establishing and strengthening His Church; that is, His love is magnanimous and persevering. Third, Christ’s love for His Church is a prayerful love. Lastly, Christ proved His love for His Church by gladly and lovingly suffering for her.

In return, a wife is to love her husband as the Church loves Christ. First, this is with a respectful and submissive love. Wives are to yield to their husbands a willing and ready obedience in all things not inconsistent with Christian piety. Second, her love must be a faithful love and she must be ever true to her husband. Finally, the Church loves Christ with a courageous, persevering love; so too, a wife’s love should be constant, patient in suffering, and magnanimous in action.

In all the difficulties, trials and sacrifices which the state of matrimony calls for, husband and wife will find guidance and strength primarily in three places. First at Nazareth, in imitation of the Holy Family, for there is no better model. They are the perfect example of domestic union and of all virtue and holiness. They are also a powerful protection when called upon in prayer.

The second place a married couple should look for help is at Calvary. There is no truer example of the meaning of real love than there.

“The stable family of two biological parents — surprise, surprise! — turns out to be the ideal vessel for molding character, for nurturing, for inculcating values, and for planning for a child’s future. By comparison, the children of single parents or broken families do worse at school and in their career. Marriage, or the lack of it, is the best single predictor of poverty, greater even than race or unemployment” (Focus on the Family, November 19, 2007, letter 00670367)

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